The Christian Diaries

Nothing Really

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 16:16:49 GMT

Before I start updating my LJ let me just say that I'm supposedly writing two papers due last week. A 15 pager about the Post-Modern Theory and a two pager about Empiricism. Until now I have not a single idea about these two topics, and so I blog. And this is OC 199, a prelude to my thesis next semester under Villar. Dreadful! I've never been this afraid and apathetic at the same time.

It's been a long time since I last blogged only because I don't feel like it. Anyway, this will be some sort of update (I think) as I psych myself to writing my overdue papers.

For the last two weeks, six or seven people in school asked me if I'm sick. All of them said that I look sick and stressed and tired. I know now why. I have stopped drinking soft drinks since high school because it was supposedly bad for me, but last week someone in my dad's office gave us this two big boxes of coke-in-cans. There's like 40 cans of Coke in our ref right now. And since then, I have been drinking at least three cans everynight that caused me sleepless nights and pulpitations. Haha. Seriously. I now normally sleep at around 4 or 5 am because of caffeine then I have to wake up early for my classes. On the average I get three hours of sleep. And what do I do with the wee hours? NOTHING! I usually stare in my ceiling occasionally turning my tv on to see what's on.

As I have mentioned earlier, I have never been this afraid and apathetic at the same time. I am now on my last year in university. I will be graduating next semester. Kung kelan naman ako gagraduate tsaka ako tinamad magaral ng sobra sobra. I mean I've never really been an overly diligent, grade conscious student ever but man this is the worst. It's midway the semester and I've already consumed the allowed number of absences, I have not passed any requirements, I have never participated in class activities and on top of it all I still have no notebook. Haha. For real.

Very bad. What's worse is that I am apathetic about all these. I just shove it all off. I'm scared of what's gonna result with all these bypassing and so hopefully I will be able to remedy and make up for the slacking off asap.

On tuesday I will be having my graduation picture taken.Maybe that will boost my motivation, to realize it's so close to the end to give up. Anyway, I still have no idea on what will my creative pose be. Because there will be like serious shots where we'll be wearing toga and sablay and creative shots where we'll be creative. Haha. I kind of think that it's kinda corny but I guess I'll do it just the same. I also have no one to write my 'write-up' yet. The one they'll put in the year book beside my picture, a sort of description. Hopefully I could persuade someone to write it asap.

I'm getting dizzy so I'll just continue this later.

The D-Game

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 14:55:34 GMT

It's only now that I realize that indeed it is a game, and if you fall, well it is then that you lose.

To Sum It All Up

Tue, 01 May 2007 20:19:26 GMT

I just came home from watching Spider-Man 3 at Eastwood. I watched the LFS with pop, Vou, and K. SO.. How's my summer so far?

UPMC's 4th European Tour is DELAYED! The whole Italy trip will be cut from the itenerary. So from the original Italy-Spain-Austria trip, it will be cut to Spain-Austria (with sidetrip to France). And from 50+ days, it will be shortened to 22. Hahay. But it's still not bad when you come to think of it. I won't expound on this further, as most of the chorale had expressed their sentiments already, I won't reiterate anymore.

I was able to get all my grades for last sem last week. I got a 1.875 total. (Every sem nalang yata). Another reason to be disappointed. Hehe.

I plan to go to La Luz with my blockmates next week, and to Baguio with family next next week.

I finished my OJT last week of March, and it was fun. I'll try to make a separate entry for that, hopefully.

There. So this is my summer so far. I'm practically a bum til 3rd week of May. B-O-R-I-N-G. Plus the fact that it's sooooo hot makes it all the more bad.

*I will not cross-post my LJ with Multiply's blog. So dito nyo nalang talaga basahin un blog ko.

WAHAHAHA!!!!!

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 09:16:09 GMT

I tried to Google my name and just try to see what will come up. So, Google Search: Christian Pangilinan. And then I saw this:

http://www.freewebs.com/crxs/

I then suddenly remembered, and I almost jumped in my seat because of laughing, I did this "website" some years ago. Hahaha!!! Sobrang hindi ko na to maalala. This is embarrassing really, but I just wanna post it, just for the sake of posting. I don't even know now how to log in. The pictures--dreadful! At kamusta naman un Guestbook. Jeez. Haha. D ko alam pano i-delete. Anyway, I hope you'll laugh in my website. Haha!!!

TRIVIA

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 07:55:34 GMT

Let me share this trivia I read a few minutes ago..

It is reported that Christina Aguilera CDs are played at Guantanamo while prisoners are interrogated. Prisoners report that they feel beautiful no matter what they say.

Practicum

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 08:01:24 GMT

I'll start with my OJT on monday! I'm excited about it, I really hope I'll learn a lot. I'll be having my practicum at Fleishman-Hillard International Communications. I hope I deliver. I'm kinda nervous about it actually.

Anyway, Eds and I watched 300 yesterday. Kami lang. Haha. Apparently our other blockmates have watched it already. It was really great. Good vibes!

After the movie, I said to myself that if I was living in the past, then I definitely would want to become a Spartan!

But if it in the future, well, of course, I'll stick with being a Jedi! Hehe

Wandering-Wondering

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 17:13:02 GMT

I don't know where I am right now or how I even got here, all I know is that I shouldn't be here. A lot of times I feel trapped and groping in the dark. I don't know what to do.

If there's one think I need to work on right now, it would be my relationship..with God. Yeah. To say that I have neglected it is an understatement. I know that it is only Him that will solve all these things I am in, I know what I'm looking for will be found in him. I remember posting something here before, sometime when I was down and "couldn't feel God," realizing that it is I who moved away not God. I couldn't feel His presence because it is I who moved. Now I want to go back. Not that I really moved away but it's definitely not the same. Far from what was before.

I miss those days when I was "on fire" and if I could turn back the time to re-do things, I will re-do a lot. I know that I should get back and I pray that I do.

I have always thought that I am strong, that nothing can tear me or break me down, but now I wander, and wonder why.

I want to be on fire once more.

---------------------------

Master upon my knees i pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands

PRESSURED conversation

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 12:31:29 GMT

JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO... (copied and pasted from YM)

pamelissm: go ka na sa seminar? (she asked me to host a seminar by POEA)
christian pangilinan: yep
pamelissm: yey!!
pamelissm: thanks thanks!
christian pangilinan: sino organizer?
pamelissm: wait, may kakilala ka nga pala ba who works in a food manufacturing company?
pamelissm: OSA organizer
christian pangilinan: eh bakit ikaw kinausap?
christian pangilinan: yes naman..
pamelissm: yep
pamelissm: hindi, kakilala ko kasi yung taga-osa kaya ganun
christian pangilinan: ah ok
christian pangilinan: food manufacturing?
pamelissm: wait, may kakilala ka nga pala ba who works in a food manufacturing company?
christian pangilinan: wala
christian pangilinan: para saan?
pamelissm: san miguel?
pamelissm: urc?
pamelissm: rfm?
pamelissm: unilever?
christian pangilinan: un mom ng kachorale ko taga urc
christian pangilinan: diba si delia? tsaka un jmaer na taga gandour
pamelissm: Lamoiyan si Delia e
pamelissm: Onga no! Ung taga-Gandour!
pamelissm: Nakakalimutan ko mga connections ko!!
pamelissm: Onga onga!
christian pangilinan: para san?
pamelissm: Nangangarag na kasi ako e
pamelissm: Thesis
christian pangilinan: aaahhhhh
pamelissm: ayun!
pamelissm: E sa 27 na submission at dapat nakapagdefend na!!!!
christian pangilinan: Feb 27?
pamelissm: march
christian pangilinan: ah ok
christian pangilinan: kaya pa yan
christian pangilinan: kelan ang defense?
pamelissm: basta before ng 27
pamelissm: grabe, pray for me
pamelissm: haay...
christian pangilinan: of course
christian pangilinan: kaya yan
pamelissm: kinakabahan na nga ako e
pamelissm: seriously...
christian pangilinan: nye
christian pangilinan: ikaw pa!
pamelissm: grabe, di talaga ako mapalagay
pamelissm: seryoso
christian pangilinan: marami ka pa ba dapat gawin/
christian pangilinan: marami ka pa ba dapat gawin?
pamelissm: oo..
pamelissm: Mga final reqts sa ibang subjs..
pamelissm: Puro papers
pamelissm: wuh!
pamelissm: sorry
pamelissm: want mode
pamelissm: rant*
christian pangilinan: hehe
christian pangilinan: its ok
christian pangilinan: laguna ka?
pamelissm: BF
pamelissm: kamusta ka naman?
christian pangilinan: bakit jan?
christian pangilinan: im ok
christian pangilinan: didn't go to class
pamelissm: dito si papa e
christian pangilinan: ah ok
pamelissm: di pa pwede umuwi ng Laguna si papa kaya dito kami
pamelissm: bakit ka nag-absent?
christian pangilinan: un dati nyo house?
christian pangilinan: tinatamad ako
christian pangilinan: ewan ko ba
pamelissm: sa tita ko
christian pangilinan: tinatamad na ko ng sobra
christian pangilinan: hehe
christian pangilinan: ay hindi pala dapat tumawa
pamelissm: bakit naman?
christian pangilinan: d ko alam eh
pamelissm: pagod ka na sa school?
christian pangilinan: kanina pala, si mom, sabi, o, 1 year nalang graduate ka na. We'll not support you financially once you get a job. Sabi ko I want to live independently tapos nagsermon sha about budget, ipon, etc. Kamusta naman un. Napressure ako. Haha
christian pangilinan: And yes..pagod na ko magaral. Haha
pamelissm: so in short ayaw nya na humiwalay ka muna?
christian pangilinan: hindi naman
christian pangilinan: sabi nya pagkagraduate ko, hindi na daw sila "makikialam" ni pop sa decisions ko. So un, parang ako na talaga masusunod.
christian pangilinan: I don't know if that's good or bad. Hehe
pamelissm: talaga?
pamelissm: They trust you in your decisions
christian pangilinan: actually ngayon naman ako narin nagdedecide most of the time, pero after I graduate daw wala na. Haha. Tapos sabi nya tulungan ko daw sila sa finances. Haha.
pamelissm: pressured!
christian pangilinan: Kasi we're sponsoring one of my cousins, tsaka isang bata na di ko kilala. Ako daw magpaaral. Pressure.
pamelissm: eh yung kuya mo?
christian pangilinan: mauuna kasi ako maggraduate kay kuya eh.
pamelissm: ganun? Bakit?
christian pangilinan: sabi ni mom and pop right after i graduate magwork daw ako abroad. ayaw ko naman.
christian pangilinan: kasi 5 years un course ni kuya tapos delayed sha kasi he transferred schools so mauuna talaga ko
pamelissm: bakit abroad? para malaki sweldo? Hehe!
pamelissm: Anong klaseng work naman?
christian pangilinan: yup. gusto nila ako mauna magmigrate sa family.
pamelissm: talaga? Nakikita na ba talaga nila ang hirap ng buhay dito sa Pinas?
christian pangilinan: Si mom I think she really wants to migrate. Ayaw naman ni pop pero sabi nya siguro after he retires. Ako ayaw ko talaga.
pamelissm: onga
pamelissm: wag...
pamelissm: Ako din gusto ng cousins ko sa states ako magwork
pamelissm: Sabi ko ayoko talaga
christian pangilinan: hehe
christian pangilinan: babaguhin natin ang pilipinas
christian pangilinan: come on
christian pangilinan: haha
pamelissm: yun yun e!
pamelissm: hahaha!
christian pangilinan: i know
christian pangilinan: o balik tayo sa thesis mo
christian pangilinan: haha
pamelissm: haha!
pamelissm: Ayun nga..
pamelissm: I'm so worried sa thesis ko
pamelissm: Ayoko talagang madelay
pamelissm: although marami kaming hindi pa nakakapag gather ng data
christian pangilinan: May chance ba na madelay ka?
pamelissm: ayoko naman maging complacent o mag go with the flow
pamelissm: Madelay o hindi sabay maka-march kapag di ko nagawa thesis ko
christian pangilinan: maybe you're pressuring yourself too much
christian pangilinan: kaya yan!
pamelissm: seriously
pamelissm: late na rin kasi e
christian pangilinan: eh bakit kasi ganun un topic mo
christian pangilinan: hehe
pamelissm: yung batch last year, mga pnahon na to may data na sila
pamelissm: hindi mahirap topic ko
pamelissm: mahirap hagilapin yung mga contacts kp
pamelissm: grabeeee!
christian pangilinan: hehe
christian pangilinan: ganun na din un
christian pangilinan: you have a month pa naman
pamelissm: hindi ko akalain na ganun sila kahirap hagilapin
pamelissm: haaay
pamelissm: survey and interview pa naman gagawin ko
christian pangilinan: kasi big companies?
pamelissm: yep!
pamelissm: Kailangan big
pamelissm: kasi if not, hindi mag-aaply thesis ko sa knial
pamelissm: kanila*
christian pangilinan: ano ulit thesis mo?
christian pangilinan: haha
christian pangilinan: i always forget
pamelissm: employee involvement in new product development
pamelissm: haay
christian pangilinan: ang hirap kasi tandaan
christian pangilinan: haha
pamelissm: sorry naman
pamelissm: mas mahaba pa nga dyan title ko talaga e
pamelissm: hahahahaha!
christian pangilinan: bakit naman kasi yan
christian pangilinan: anyway, ano ginagawa mo?
pamelissm: eto, nag-email sa mga companies
pamelissm: hehe!
pamelissm: Friendster naman ngayon
pamelissm: kaw?
christian pangilinan: downloading songs
christian pangilinan: tapos checking mails
christian pangilinan: supposedly studying
christian pangilinan: hehe
pamelissm: onga pala noh, may exam kay Timbs!
pamelissm: haha!
christian pangilinan: Yep
christian pangilinan: Pano ba un exam dun?
pamelissm: ewan ko nga e
pamelissm: clueless
christian pangilinan: pano ba sha magexam before? samin kasi dati crossword
pamelissm: objective kami dati e
christian pangilinan: nyorks
christian pangilinan: kailangan ba imemorize un?
pamelissm: kinda like that
pamelissm: yung exam namin dati medyo madali
pamelissm: hehe
pamelissm: wait, may strama paper na kayo?
christian pangilinan: kinabahan naman ako bigla
christian pangilinan: WALA
christian pangilinan: haha
pamelissm: kami din!!
pamelissm: haha!
pamelissm: topic nyo?
christian pangilinan: Awareness
christian pangilinan: Haha
pamelissm: awarness ng>
christian pangilinan: english awareness to elementary students
christian pangilinan: kayo?
pamelissm: amin na lang yan!!!
pamelissm: haha!
pamelissm: yan yung entry namin sa PRSP e!
pamelissm: cultural management
christian pangilinan: ah talaga/
christian pangilinan: eh d give us your paper
christian pangilinan: yes!!!
christian pangilinan: hehe
pamelissm: REQUIRED na multinational company yung amin!
christian pangilinan: ano un cultural management?
christian pangilinan: woah
christian pangilinan: hehe
pamelissm: hinihingi nga ni Yos e for the format
pamelissm: nakakalimutan ko lang
christian pangilinan: sige magpakaadik kayo
pamelissm: gusto namin malaman pano ilocalize yung strategies nila
pamelissm: promo strats sa products
christian pangilinan: ahh. since diverse un market? tama ba?
pamelissm: hindi. Since multinational sila, pano sila nagadapt sa Phil culture
christian pangilinan: ahhh
christian pangilinan: haha
pamelissm: hirap maghanap ng company!
pamelissm: 3 contacts na kami, puro wala
pamelissm: may balat ata yung group namin sa pwet e
pamelissm: haha!
christian pangilinan: samin madali lang kasi public school lang
christian pangilinan: haha
christian pangilinan: sino kayo?
pamelissm: hans, shie, ice, jas, fonny
pamelissm: wait, kain na muna kami
christian pangilinan: sure
christian pangilinan: regards kay patch
pamelissm: sure sure!
pamelissm has signed out. (2/24/2007 8:04 PM)

CLOSER

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:18:29 GMT

I was just channel surfing here in my room when I clicked on to HBO and this first scene appeared: Natalie Portman with a fiery red hair sashaying down some street with everyone looking at her. (I can't take my eyes off you.. I can't take my eyes off you)

I love this movie! It is as real as it can be about "love" and relationships and the complications attached to it. I love every minute of each scene. Very true. Perfect for Valentines! For those who haven't watched it yet, do get it on an original DVD, it's too nice to be watched with a pirated copy.

Dan: What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change --it's the currency of the world.

----------------------------

Anna: Don't stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you. It meant nothing. If you love me, you'll forgive me.

---------------------------

Alice: Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.

----------------------------

Larry: You don't understand the first thing about love because you don't understand compromise.

----------------------------------------------------------

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

--Damien Rice

Of John Legend, Damien Rice, and Gavin DeGraw

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 07:19:12 GMT

Three more days and it is Valentine's day already. How important is a date on Valentine's? I actually have no idea, since time immemorial I have always hated it. Ack! I think it's a useless occasion to celebrate. Not that I abhor love, I love love, I just hate putting it in a box. Tomorrow is my brother's birthday, that's a "legal" and logical reason to celebrate.

Love should be manifested as grandiosely as possible every single day.

Anyway, the three artists mentioned above are just great!

I'll go to church in a while. Happy birthday Vou!

-------------------------------------------------

forget about the world
im groovin with my girl
forget about the news
lets put on our dancin shoes
lets not talk about the war
do we know what they're fightin for
i propose that we go to the floor and we slow dance

Vanity Amid Toxicity

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 13:46:12 GMT

I answered this get-to-know-me-better survey if only to relieve myself for a while from toxicity that this ~~saturday~~ will bring me.

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Christian
Birthday:	Nov 11
Birthplace:	Bulacan
Current Location:	The Fort
Eye Color:	Black
Hair Color:	Black
Height:	5' 6"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Filipino
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Nike sneakers
Your Weakness:	TV and bed
Your Fears:	A lot
Your Perfect Pizza:	All cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Become a University Scholar, Do well in Fleishman, Go to Europe, Get a car
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"For real?"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	5 more minutes
Your Best Physical Feature:	Haha! I don't have any idea.
Your Bedtime:	8 pm
Your Most Missed Memory:	Caliraya, Summer 2003, 3am under the starless sky
Pepsi or Coke:	Rootbeer
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McDonald's
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Caramel Macchiato
Do you Smoke:	Nope
Do you Swear:	Nope
Do you Sing:	Yes
Do you Shower Daily:	Of Course!
Have you Been in Love:	Next.
Do you want to go to College:	I am in college
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Sometimes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:	I hope so
Are you a Health Freak:	Not everyday
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yep
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Nope
Do you play an Instrument:	Is voice an instrument?
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Nope
In the past month have you Smoked:	Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Haha. No.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	*classified information*
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Everyday
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	I don't eat sushi.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Yep
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	Nope
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes
Ever been Beaten up:	Yes by Vou. Haha.
Ever Shoplifted:	Nope.
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep, in my bed
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A world changer! For real!
What country would you most like to Visit:	Australia and Spain if possible
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Brown or Black
Favourite Hair Color:	Black
Short or Long Hair:	Short or Long but not curly
Height:	Doesn't matter
Weight:	No fats please, but not naman anorexic
Best Clothing Style:	Not hiphop
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Does this include pain killers? A lot.
Number of CDs I own:	A little less than 40.
Number of Piercings:	Zero.
Number of Tattoos:	Zero.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	3
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Now back to work!

Personality Compass

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 14:08:06 GMT

My prof in Communication Management gave us this Personality Compass test to assess our personality. Just thought of posting it here.

Die

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 19:49:51 GMT

To the posers, the opportunists, the attention-grabbers, the plastics, that dog who isn't suppose to talk, and the rest of the ugly cast--you piss me off. Die. Vanish. Evaporate.

Got Faith?

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 19:33:51 GMT

I am 20 years old now and it's ironic that now, more than ever, I am in a position where everything is a blur. I was never like this, I was always organized, I have clear-cut plans and goals. I always picture myself in the future and work to achieve that picture. Now, everything turned around. I don't know where I am. I feel like I'm slowly drowned or slowly sinking. I feel sucked by a vacuum and I couldn't escape it. I feel like I'm neither here nor there, just in complete and utter mess.

I remembered few years back I said to myself that by the age of 21 I should already become an accomplished man, that I have a job that I love, I'm stepping my feet and slowly changing the world, yada yada.. It suddenly dawned into me how far fetched my dreams are..now I'm starting to get old and tired.

I feel like I lost it, the drive and passion in achieving all my dreams in life. I have lost the will to thrive for what I desire, heck, I think I lost my desires (double period).

I have always dreamed of becoming great, of doing great, of doing things a lot bigger than I am. I am an idealist. I dreamed that I'd work for the government. I wanted to be a catalyst. I wanted to make change and see it come to pass. It's funny everytime I tell this to my friends, they will be in complete shock and awe saying it's very unlikely for someone like me to work there. I dreamed about it though. I dreamed of making a difference.

The series of road turns that I took led me here--to nowhere, to nothingness. Sadly now I have no vision or glimpse of what my future will be like. The direction I'm going now clearly goes straight to drain and I don't know how to stop it. I miss the times, those times few years back when I know where I was going. When I had direction. However, events led me to lose trust and now I feel alone.

(A thought came to me as I write this down) Somewhere sometime I have to content myself with the teeny-tiny thing that I have. I still have faith. And now more than ever I need to have it exercised. It's been a long time. I know deep inside me that everything will fall in it's place. I know that there is reason behind everything happening right now--all the mess and uncertainty--and I will understand it when the right time comes. (End of thought)

That thought made me smile. I am hopeful. I feel better. I just need to be assured and secured. I know how hard it is to have faith. Faith is so intangible. But whatever it takes, I have faith to leave things up to.
---------------------------------------------------------

Hold me in your arms
Never let me go
I wanna spend eternity with you

The Plump Lady

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 01:27:20 GMT

I saw her crying and immediately my heart broke down as well. I pity the plump lady--the lady who seems so lost in the world not knowing anything, any single thing in life. She only finished 1st year college, to her barrio-mates that was an undeniable accomplishment. She stopped due to lack of finances, her parents probably have realized her hopeless case.
For whatever reason people try to control her she has always been resilient. Still, I pity the plump lady. I hope one day she finds her self into the world.

Sha

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 22:45:09 GMT

Stress is an understatement. I'm burned out. I have no avenue, no thing, no one to cathart this accumulation of exhaustion.

Jealousy is insecurity's child. I raise both hands.

Messed-up Nights and Unmade Beds

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 23:27:23 GMT

Should my fears realize,shattering I know it would become.
Now I know when they say I can't have everything I want,
though that was what I believed for the longest time.

The bleakness of my inconsistenty, you are the habit I can't seem to break.
Forgive me. Tell me how it feels when you want something so bad yet you can't have it.
Like a child desiring for the candy somebody else owned.

It's breaking that anything can happen in a minute and so every second count.
Would you linger?

Stay til the messed-up nights are over.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 17:20:15 GMT

Pout your hearts out!
UPMC Acquaintance party
Aug. 8, 2006
"Si Batas at Magno pasaway"

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 15:27:30 GMT

^{I'm going to become bitter and distrustful because one person betrayed me
I'm going to hate those who have found their treasure because I never found mine
I'm going to hold on to what little I have because I'm too insignificant to conquer the world--Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist}

...so cut it right through my throat, and if you pray, I might come around one day...

check it out

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 19:33:04 GMT

I was supposed to be studying but I updated my Friendster account instead. I uploaded a lot of pics. Check it out. www.friendster.com/crxsbachelor It just dawned into me how many memories I have already. Good times! *Remind myself to get a Multiply account* I told myself before that I wouldn't get a Multiply account but I'm changing my mind, maybe in a weeks time.

Now, I need to get back to my state of toxicity.

The Orcom eXperience for Increased Competency!!!

*nuff said*

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 16:20:53 GMT

wonderin' free...wish i could be...part of your world...

Nostalgia 1, 2, 3

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 17:34:12 GMT

1.
Feeling nostalgic a while ago, I tried reading everything I have "blogged". I started blogging 2003 and I read all the entried I posted since day one, I was so surprised (although surprise is hardly the word to describe it)! How have I evolved!

Miss Espie, my high school teacher, introduced me to the world of journaling and it's cathartic effect. She said to try reading my journal years after I have written them and I'll discover how I have changed, developed and evolved. How true. Mostly, I laughed as I try to discover who I am. So this is how I am then? How pathetic! How stupid!

Sweet indeed is nostalgia, to recollect and laughhard!

Anyway, I had my DS126 exam this morning. Verdict: Answerable! Haha. Especially when I haven't studied at all. Went to watch The Producers after, in G4. It wasn't as good as I expected it would be.

2.
I was chatting with fellow "I" member and high school classmate David. (Clarice, are you reading this?) Our conversation was about our current love lives and it's one of the funniest YM chats I had so far. Here's a portion of our chat..

David: musta luvlyf?
me: wala. hanap mo ko. hehe.
David: pasaway ka, ako nga naghahanap eh, sa friendster naghahanap ako ng prospect
me: hahaha!!!
David: bakit?
me: kasi sa friendster ka naghahanap!
David: si *classified information* na lang (emphasis mine) pwede naman kayo
me: eh para kasing puro beauty lang un..
David: ganun? wala akong social life ngayon
me: nagnursing ka kasi
David: tsaka alam mo namang wala akong pera at damit
me: bakit kailangan mo ng damit?
David: pang-gimik
me: aahhh..
David: san na nga pala nagaaral si *classified information*?
me: d ko maalala, pero nursing
...after a series of classfied information exchanges...
David: pahingi ng katext
me: huh? ano sabi mo katext?
David: oo. tinitingan ko friends mo (sa friendster) ang una kong nakita si *classified information* nakalagay "more than just a pretty face
me: ewan, d ko pa tinitingnan
David: pahingi ng katext
me: gusto mo ng textmate???
David: parang ganun, yung maayos ah!
me: bakit? nagirlfriend mo na ba lahat ng babae sa paligid mo? (he has had A LOT of girlfriends already)
David: hindi naman
...after talking about a different topic...
David: may naisip ka na bang ibigay sakin na number?
me: wait lang, ano ba gusto mo?
David: yung may height, kahit morena or maputi.. gusto ko with a nice smyl tpos my dimples siya..yung mganda, hehe
me: diba dapat, bago ko bigay sayo un number, papaalam muna ko kung papayag sila na ibigay ko number nila sayo?
David: pwede, ikaw bahala
me: sige isip ako tapos ill ask them first baka kasi magalit na bigla ko nalang binigay number nila
David: ge, intay ako
...after some time...
David: kaw, dami mong friends, wala ka ba mapili dun?
me: sige tingin ka nalang sa friends ko sa friendster, tapos sabihin mo sakin tapos sabihin ko kung ok
David: sino si *classified info#2*?
me: un sa Baguio? taga UP Manila sha
David: sha ba un nakilala nyo sa Baguio?
me: yeah
David: maganda sha no?
me: yeah, pero may girlfriend, so next..
David: d ko nakita lahat, baka may nalagpasan ako, basta hanapan mo ko ah. ikaw? baka may makita ako sayo. ano ba gusto mo?
me: gusto ko? tao.
David: pano pag si (itago natin sa pangalang Candice, her real name) Candice, [haha! we love you Candice!] taong mukang kabayo?
me: hindi, kabayo un na mukang tao...minsan
David: haha! onga!
...blah blah blah...

David is the best comedian for me and Clarice! *Missing the days before*

3.

Lastly..

Morning Show Blah blah blah...

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 23:51:42 GMT

So I'm not able to sleep for a couple of days now. Monday, had two glasses of Extra Joss, yeah, the one truck drivers drink to stay alive every night; tuesday, drank two tall caramel macchiatos and innumerable sips of Pepsi Max. I can see both my hands involuntarily shaking and feel my body somehow floating, carrying its own weight. I'm awake, but then again, not really. So this is how it feels to have a caffeine overdose. To be overly sober. I did this mainly to alter the unproductive and rigid routine I imposed on myself that I had to be in bed by 11 pm and up 4 am every single day, which when I assessed was unsuccessful anyway.

The typhoon Glenda made my room unusually chilly this past few days that I had to turn my airconditioner off. My mom would definitely be happy to know that I'm helping save on our electric consumption which is surprisingly skyrocketting. A few days ago, I received the electric bill and was somehow surprised, considering that I don't think we're consuming that much electricity.

The DSL was reconnected a week ago and I have tried downloading an anti-virus for my laptop and another program I needed for school research. All to no avail. Dam nit. Maybe I'll just buy a pirated cd at the nearest sari-sari store. While at it, I did something wrong with my computer, can't pinpoint what it is though. I must have downliaded a virus while trying to download an anti-virus. Sheesh. How ironic and how stupid. Since I'm back with an internet connection, I tried physically enhancing this blog and my friendster account and though I tried and acted all geniusy about html, all I ended up changing was the content. Go see. http://www.friendster.com/crxsbachelor Anyone spend an hour or two? I'm not planning on making an extrem make-over. That would be over the top. Just a few simple and basic enhancing would be enough.

I have no classes every wednesday but I'm going to school early today nonetheless. I plan to study. Yep. That's right! STUDY. It's time to switch to geek mode after slacking off the couple of days. By the way, I prefer to be called a geek than a nerd, sounds more intelligent to me. And for the record, geeks and nerds aren't losers. Well, rarely losers. Losers are people with no direction in life and choose to stay that way. Anyway, it's too early to complain. So I guess what I'm saying right now is that I'm proud to be a geek. Especially since I promised my parents I'll have excellent grades this semester, but for a price! Yeah, I can be bribed if the price is right. Haha. While typing this, I just realized how contradicting I was. Self-confessing my geekiness yet succumbing to "paid" education. Must be the effect of too much caffeine.

For the past month, I've been ranting on watching the Pussycat Dolls's concert. And that is only because for the past months I've been crushing on this girl who resembles the lead singer in PCD. Who was it again? The Filipina one? Anyway, I won't be watching it most probably.

Wohoo. What else? Nothing else.

a series of an f-e-ning events

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 07:42:34 GMT

school officially started though i'm not officially enrolled yet. the past few days has been my worst, so far, as late-registration experience is concerned. what a bummer! i have a very loose schedule that will sure bore me to death again. the whole registration process is so stressful, i was in the brink of shouting at the people in line, in OCS, and in Cybernook. yesterday, i had a nose-bleed, (no, real, literal nose-bleed) most probably due to the very, very, very humid environment, with the people in queue adding, it feels like i'm being locked up in an oven. (weird, scaringly weird, i am having nose-bleeds, again, the literal one, at least every month)

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to fight boredom, i tried improving the page lay-out of my friendster account. dam nit. it was too hard, oooops, no it's not. i just don't know anything about these stupid designs. anyone help me? thanks!

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another f-ing day. hopefully, i'll smile tomorrow.

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wanting to go to Livin' Loud.

To the one who sung “on broadway”

Mon, 29 May 2006 18:14:55 GMT

I know that this is not easy for both of us but we both knew it coming. And now that here it is, for real, I guess we just have to suck it all up.

They say all things must come to an end, true, I believe that, only because I know good things end because something greater is in store. And we have to keep that in mind. I am now looking forward to the years of pure and real friendship ahead of us. The one I have been dreaming of since day one.

You have to trust me when I say you should trust me. And I’m telling you again, trust me, this is for the betterment of both of us. I know it is difficult because we never agree about this matter, you see, we never really had the same views and same perspectives of life, as a matter of fact, our opinions and beliefs are exactly the opposite. Nonetheless, thank you for respecting the decision I have made. I am mostly humbled.

More than that, I just want to say how great the impact you have made to me. I am so much thankful. Thank you for teaching me lessons that I need to learn. Thank you for the countless “biasness” that you have become, thank you for spoiling me, for believing in me, for backing me up, cheering me on, and never leaving my side. Should I start a list of the things I need to thank you for, I wouldn’t be done with this letter anymore.

Also, I wanted to say how sorry I am for everything I have done. For making you feel bad, for making you feel sad, for letting you down and for letting you cry. Everything was never intended. I have the best intentions, that’s why I am doing this. So again, trust me.

I would want to say a lot more, but I know too well that I wouldn’t be able to come up with the right words, plus I want to be saved from being misconstrued.

So I guess this is it for both of us. No goodbyes, no farewells. We’ll both live our lives from here on and when our eyes meet again, we’ll smile and we’ll be.

I will be your friend til the end. A friend in all it’s sense. No more tears for both of us. It's about time for us to be happy again. Later!